


At least he's happier now.

by whatisthistho



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, OT4, OT5 Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 13:06:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatisthistho/pseuds/whatisthistho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“These boys mean the world to me. The experiences we’ve had together, the laugher, the banter, even the arguments. It’s something I’d never forget. I love them with all my heart and they’ll always be my best friends. I’ll miss touring with them, but I know deep down in my heart that they can go on without me. Best know that I’ll be coming to their concerts without them knowing.”</p><p>Or the one where Zayn is left out and pushed away by Liam and Louis. Evidently, pushing him to his limit.</p><p>(Sequel is also up)</p>
            </blockquote>





	At least he's happier now.

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been reading a lot of OT5 relationship fics where they exclude one person. It upsets me that all of those that I've read ended with the person forgiving them for excluding him so this happened, naturally.

Zayn tried. 

He really did. 

But, he couldn’t deal with it anymore. It was like he didn’t exist to them and that’s what probably hurt the most, because to him, they were his everything. 

Zayn sat there, his eyes observing the way they were around each other. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he began noticing that things were different between Harry, Liam, Niall and Louis. Regardless, he noticed and at first he didn’t pay it any mind because lets face it. They were all a bunch of cuddly monkeys.

But something had changed. Zayn started noticing the love bites on Liam’s collarbone. The fucked out look Harry would have after being in the room with Louis. The way Niall would waddle, literally waddle to Liam and cuddle him while Liam played with his hair. Zayn couldn’t believe it at first. He had always wondered if the boys were actually straight like they’d say in interviews, but now he was pretty sure he got his answer. 

What Zayn couldn’t understand, was why they never told him, hell, even include him. Was he not good enough for them? Louis would always praise him on stage after he’d murder his high note and he’d always thank the heavens above for the stage lights because that meant Louis wouldn’t notice his cheeks tinting red. 

The five of them would banter all night long but once they were off stage, it was like Zayn completely disappears from their line of sight and it would be the four of them. On the tour bus, Zayn would always stick around in the lounge with the rest of them, trying to get their attention. He tried. At least he knows he’ll never be able to say he didn’t try. 

He remembers that day clearly. 

They were all exhausted from the show that night and everyone decided that they’d just sleep in the tour bus instead of stopping at a hotel because they didn’t want to deal with the fans. They loved their fans but sometimes they just needed a break. 

Harry was leaning against Louis, Louis arms wrapped around his lanky frame, whispering things into his ear that Zayn couldn’t hear. 

Niall and Liam were cuddled next to each other watching one of Niall’s favorite movies. Zayn was sat by himself, as per usual.

Fiddling with his fingers, Zayn wondered why it suddenly became so hard to get their attention, why they didn’t even send him an acknowledging smile or nod. 

He also wondered when he became so nervous to actually talk to his four best friends. 

He sighed before clearing his throat, in hopes of getting any of their attentions. 

It didn’t work. 

He ran his fingers through his hair; he had his glasses on that night, opting out of his contacts because they bothered the hell out of him. 

“Uh, so. We have a break for a week coming up. What are you lads planning to do?” Zayn managed to get out, eyes glancing from each of the four boys. 

None of them looked at him. 

“Alright.” He said to himself because obviously no one was listening. 

Harry was giggling and Niall’s eyes were slowly closing. 

Zayn slowly stood up walking towards the bunks. 

“I’m just gonna call it a night, I’ll see you all in the morning.” Zayn tried one more time. 

No one even blinked. 

\--  
*  
Zayn wasn’t one of those people who drank his worries and sorrows away.  
No.

Instead, he’d sit in his hotel room, looking out the window with his cigarette perched between his fingers. 

He was actually surprised at himself. He hadn’t been smoking as much as he use to. He spent more time sleeping now whenever he could that smoking was long forgotten. 

They had an interview that day and Zayn wasn’t really excited like how he use to be. The boys would all banter together and blatantly leave Zayn out. 

And it was becoming obvious to the fans. 

Fans would tweet him asking if him and the boys were fighting. He never replied, of course, he didn’t know if they were if he was being honest. 

There was a knock at his door signaling him that it was time to go to the interview. He sighed, stubbing out his cigarette and closing the window before making his way out the room. 

\--  
*

The interview was horrible. It was like all the boys were truly upset with him. When they all met up at the interview, they didn’t even respond to him saying hi. 

During the interview, Liam and Louis would cut Zayn off whenever he’d try to answer a question. 

The part of the interview that took the cake though, was when the interviewer said 

“Alright, so everyone has been wondering what was going on between the four of you and Zayn.”

Then, 

“Did you guys have a disagreement or what? I could feel the tension right now.”

Instantly, Zayn felt four sets of eyes on him and he sunk a little lower in his seat. He sure as hell wasn’t going to answer that. 

“He’s been, I don’t know. Zayn why don’t you answer this question, yeah?” Louis said, crossing his arms and giving him a pointed look. 

Zayn looked over at Louis, his eyes searching Louis’ as if he wished he could find the answer in his beautiful blue eyes. 

He came up blank, just like Louis eyes at that moment. 

Zayn looked to Liam, hoping for some support but he was looking at him with this look that Zayn could only classify as disgust. 

What the fuck did Zayn do? He was confused. 

He looked to Harry who had his eyes averted, fiddling with his fingers. 

Maybe he knew something that could help him figure out why Louis and Liam were being this way towards him. 

Finally, he looked at Niall and he wished he didn’t. Niall’s eyes were full of sadness. Like Zayn had hurt him. 

Shaking his head, he looked down at his hands before looking at the interviewer again, his mouth staying shut. 

Liam rolled his eyes.

“Zayn’s just been a bit under the weather.”

“Yeah, 24/7.”

He heard Louis mumble and he looked at him. He could feel his eyes begin to water but held it back. 

“What was that?” The interviewer asked.

Louis let out a short laugh that was lacking humor. 

“Nothing.”

The interviewer nodded and continued, and boy did Zayn wish he could walk right out of there. 

“Whatever’s been going on is being noticed by everyone on the outside, do you think One Direction are on the verge of breaking up as that is the question everyone wants an answer to?” She asked. 

“If we did it’d probably be Zayn’s fault.” Louis mumbled, probably not expecting everyone to hear it and the place grew quiet.

Zayn felt his heart drop, rip and burn in his chest.

Louis quickly realized that everyone heard and smiled brightly, sitting up and slinging an arm around Zayn’s shoulder. 

“I’m kidding. No, the band isn’t breaking up. Zayn’s just been home sick and likes being by himself when that happens. Everything is great between all of us. Don’t worry, One Direction isn’t breaking up anytime soon.” 

The interviewer laughed and nodded. 

“Good, good. That’s good to hear.” And she continued on the interview.

Zayn blanked out for the rest of it. He was fighting the tears threatening to fall. 

He hadn’t known Louis felt like that towards him. He was confused. He hadn’t done anything.

Hell, they don’t even know he knew about their four-way relationship. He never said anything and they never brought it up. 

But he was happy for them, essentially, regardless if he was a part of it or not. 

What Zayn missed was the worrying glancing he was receiving from Harry. 

What Zayn missed when he bolted from the interview as soon as it was over was Harry pushing Louis and asking him what the fuck he was doing. 

What Zayn missed was sunken look on Harry’s face when they got into the SUV only to realize Zayn wasn’t in there already. 

“He took a separate car, and I don’t blame him.” Paul said, his voice hard. 

“What you did in there Louis, that was wrong of you.” 

The four of them stayed quiet the rest of the ride home. Louis biting back slick remarks.

The five of them were living in one house and the first thing Harry did when they got home was run up to Zayn’s room. He was a bit taken back when he realized that Zayn wasn’t there. His bed was still made and everything, indicating that he hadn’t even gotten home yet. 

Harry walked back downstairs to see the three of his boyfriends sitting on the couch. 

“He’s not here.” 

Louis rolled his eyes and went upstairs.

*  
Zayn contemplated long and hard. He sat there for over two hours trying to figure out what he did to Louis and Liam. Not so much Harry and Niall. He came up blank. He laughed to himself but if anyone were around to hear it, they’d know it lacked emotion. He felt the tears fall from his eyes, not bothering to wipe them now. His best friends hated him and he honestly had no idea why. 

After what seemed like hours, nearly a pack of cigarettes later, Zayn finally made his way back home. He unlocked the door and walked inside, closing it behind him and locking it. His head was ducked as he toed off his shoes and took his jacket off and placed it in the closet. Sighing, he turned around and began walking upstairs. He heard whispers coming from Louis’ room. Zayn knew he should have walked away, he shouldn’t have listened but he heard his name and he was curious. 

“Zayn doesn’t want to be with us! We bloody asked him and the next day he didn’t even bat an eyelash!” Louis whisper-shouted. 

“I told you we should have asked him personally, not through a letter Lou!” Liam’s voice replied. 

“Oh well, he chose to dislike what we are together. He walks away any time we walk into the room. He distanced himself from us. He’s fucking up everything… If he’s a homophobe then...” Louis continued. 

Zayn’s eyebrows were scrunched.

They asked him to be with them? 

Through a letter? 

He never got any letter. 

What was Louis even talking about?

But then…

“Maybe he should just leave the band…” Louis voice came out in a whisper and Zayn’s heart quite literally shattered in his chest. 

Liam stayed quiet and that’s when Zayn decided that he couldn’t do it anymore. 

*

The next few weeks consisted of interviews and shows. Zayn didn’t try to talk to Louis or Liam. He spoke to Harry a few times but chose to ignore his worrying glances. 

Everyone knew Harry wasn’t the best with words. He wouldn’t even know where to start. 

They were in the middle of sound check when everything went to shit. 

Zayn was trying his hardest not to mess up his high note in rock me. He knew that when he killed it the fans went crazy. He was trying but every time his voice cracked even in the slightest, Liam and Louis were quick to jump on him.

“What the fuck Zayn. You’ve done this a million times. Get it right.” Louis yelled, not even bothering to keep his voice down. 

Zayn just nodded, his eyes wide and tried again. 

This time, he missed his queue and Liam blasted him.

“Get your head out of your arse! Stop thinking about yourself for once!” 

Zayn chuckled humorlessly and nodded, muttering a quiet sorry.

Zayn just couldn’t get it right. No matter how hard he tried. And whenever Louis and Liam passed him, they’d bump him or give him a nasty look. 

Zayn couldn’t deal with it. He’d been dealing with it for the past few weeks and it was exhausting.

He went to the changing room and began getting his clothes out for that night’s performance. Sighing, he plopped down the sofa and leaned back. 

Liam and Harry walked into the dressing room first and for the first time, Zayn saw something intimate between the two. 

Liam pulled Harry closer to him, nuzzling his nose against Harry’s before softly pressing their lips together, both of their eyes closed. 

Zayn’s heart tightened because he could just feel the love they had for each other. 

When Harry opened his eyes, they landed directly on Zayn causing him to push Liam back. Liam went to ask what was wrong but followed Harry’s gaze and saw Zayn looking at the two of them wide-eyed and speechless. 

Liam snarled at him and pulled Harry closer, despite Harry’s objections. 

“What?” Liam snapped, causing Zayn to avert his eyes. 

After that, during the show, they made it a mission to make Zayn uncomfortable. When it reality, Zayn wasn’t uncomfortable. He was just … sad. 

Liam would leave lingering touches on Louis or Niall when he knew Zayn was looking. 

Louis would sneak in love bites on Liam’s neck when they had a quick wardrobe change, making sure Zayn was watching. 

Zayn would be upset, but not for reasons they think. They all love each other, they just don’t love him. 

Niall bounded up to Zayn during rock me and slung his arm around his shoulder causing Zayn to jump and step back, not expecting it because hell, they haven’t shown him affection in so long.

But one look at Niall’s sunken look had Zayn fist bumping Niall’s chin softly with a small smile, a smile he hoped looked real. Niall didn’t seem to buy it however, and pulled him in for a quick hug and whispered into his ear. 

“Kill that high note, Z.” 

Zayn pulled away and nodded, just as he was about to do his high note. He turned to look at Liam and Louis, not knowing who to hold eye contact with but then chose Liam. 

Holding his eye contact, Zayn bellowed out his high note, his veins protruding in his neck.

He didn’t miss his queue. His voice didn’t crack. His high note was the highest he’d ever done it and Liam was stricken. 

Right after the high note, Zayn closed his eyes, breaking eye contact with Liam.  
*  
When the show was over, instead of taking a group bow, Zayn walked off stage and pulled his headpiece off. He threw it on the floor of the dressing room and grabbed his cell phone and clothes, making it out before the boys got back. 

He got a private car to take him to the hotel they were staying at. Once inside, he locked the door and laid down on the bed. 

Maybe he should just leave the band. 

Those words kept replaying in his head. 

He loved the band, he loved their music, he loved them. How could he leave them? 

The four boys got home not too long after him and Louis started banging on his door. 

“Zayn, get the fuck out here. Why would you just bloody walk off stage like that??” 

Zayn could feel his anger. 

Yeah, Zayn probably shouldn’t have but it didn’t feel right being with them anymore. No matter how much he loved them. 

“Zayn!” Louis shouted louder this time, accompanied by more banging on the door. 

“I swear to god, he’s such a fucking child!” Louis yelled, kicking the door. 

He’s the one acting like a child right now, Zayn thought humorlessly but shook his head, standing up and opening the door. 

Before the door could be open fully, Zayn was grabbed and pulled out into the hallway and slammed against the wall. 

Zayn’s eyes were wide as he looked at a fuming Louis. 

Zayn could easily push Louis off him, but he felt like he had no more energy. 

“What is your problem? What did we do to you?” Liam asked from beside Louis. 

Zayn only semi-noticed Harry and Niall standing off in the corner. 

Zayn looked at Liam, confusion evident in his eyes. 

“What did you do to me? You mean what did I do to you for you guys to hate me!” Zayn replied back, seemingly finding his voice after all these weeks. 

Louis looked at him like he’d grown two heads. 

“You’re the one that’s always running off!” Louis shouted. 

Zayn chuckled and forcefully pushed Louis off of him. Louis stumbled back a bit shocked but Zayn just stayed where he was. 

“I’m always running off? What about all those times I tried talking to you? To all of you!” Zayn’s voice rose towards the end, his eyes shifting from each of the boys. 

“You’re the one that has a problem with our relationship! If it bothers you so fucking much, leave!” Louis bellowed out, about to slam Zayn against the wall again but Zayn shook his head sadly. 

When Zayn said nothing, Louis deflated. Liam bit his lower lip looking at the look Zayn had. He looked, defeated. 

Zayn wordlessly walked away from the four of them. Little did they know that Zayn would be walking away from them for the last time. 

*

No one heard or saw Zayn for the next couple days and Harry was beyond worried. He wouldn’t talk to the other three, except maybe Niall but Louis and Liam were the last people he wanted to talk to right now.  
Harry dialed Zayn’s number for the fiftieth time that hour only for it to go straight to voice mail. 

Harry was on the verge of crying. He really had no idea how things between Zayn and them got so bad. Harry was sort of blaming himself because he could have tried to talk to him, he could have asked why he looked so sad all the time, but he didn’t. 

Louis’s phone rang, and he stood their staring at it.

It was management. 

Sighing, Louis answered and put the phone to his ear. 

Louis’ eyes widened and the boys could see his eyes fill with tears at whatever management was telling him. Liam sat down beside him and gave him a questioning look after Louis lowered the phone. 

“Zayn left the band.” 

*

Zayn held a press conference to clear up any questions people had. The four boys were present, all of them desperately trying to get Zayn to look at them, but to no avail. 

When it was time for it to begin, Zayn stood up and cleared his throat.

“I know my choice to leave the band is sudden and out of the blue, but… there are other things I’d like to do. I want to go back to Uni and get an English degree. I want to spend more time with my family; I miss my sisters and my mom and dad. I tried, I really did. The past few years were amazing.” 

Zayn, for the first time that evening, turning to look at Liam, Louis, Harry and Niall. 

“These boys mean the world to me. The experiences we’ve had together, the laugher, the banter, even the arguments. It’s something I’d never forget. I love them with all my heart and they’ll always be my best friends. I’ll miss touring with them, but I know deep down in my heart that they can go on without me. Best know that I’ll be coming to their concerts without them knowing.” 

Zayn said, chuckling slightly along with people in the crowd. But the boys weren’t laughing. They were fighting back tears. 

“I want you guys to know that I’ll always be here supporting you all.” 

Zayn turned back to face the crowd. 

“One Direction isn’t breaking up. The boys will carry on and be the best they’ve ever been. I’m sorry again for this out of the blue decision but it’s been something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. I hope you all respect my decision. Thank you.”

Zayn sat back down and kept his eyes averted. He could feel four pairs of eyes on him but he willed himself not to look. 

The boys tried getting to Zayn once the conference was over but they’d been told he’d already left. 

Liam slumped down, hands over his face. Louis in a similar position. 

Harry and Niall were furious. 

Not at Zayn but at Liam and Louis. 

“You know what. This is your entire fault. Both of you!” Harry seethed. 

The two boys didn’t look up; only small sobs could be heard. 

“You both love him. You’re both in love with him and this is how you showed him. You pushed him away; you made him leave the bloody band. Instead of just manning up and telling him how you felt. Zayn isn’t a homophobe and you both know it. Zayn would have walked away a long time ago if that was the case.” 

“One Direction isn’t going to be the same with out him.” Niall said softly, shaking his head.  
“No. It isn’t.” Harry said, slumping against the wall.

“I’m sorry.” Liam sobbed, shaking his head. He looked over at Harry and put his hand out to him. 

Harry stared at him for a moment, trying not to give in but eventually crawled over to him and hugged Liam to his chest, letting his cry it out. 

Louis was taking it hard, however. His eyes were blank except for the tears that were running down his cheeks. He didn’t ask for comfort, he didn’t deserve it. 

*  
Three years passed since they’d last saw or heard from Zayn. Here and there, there were rumors that Zayn was spotted at one of their concerts but the boys never saw him. 

Zayn went back to Uni and got his degree in English. 

Three years and Zayn still missed the boys. His boys.

Three years later, Zayn came out to the world introducing a gorgeous boy by the name of Alyx as his boyfriend.

Two days after coming out, Zayn finally put out a solo single and the boys were blown away with how beautiful Zayn sounded. 

Zayn wrote the song with help from Alyx. The song was about secrets. About falling in love with his best friend. (No one mentioned that Zayn had sung ‘best friends’ instead of ‘best friend’ when he performed it live on the radio.) The song was about misunderstanding and sorrow and unspoken words. It was about being sorry for not telling his best friend how he felt when he had the chance. 

The first time the boys heard the song, not one of them were able to hold back the tears. 

“He was…” Liam started, his eyebrows scrunched.

“Fuck.” Louis whispered, shaking his head.  
After all those years, the boys finally realized that yeah, Zayn wasn’t a homophobe. He was actually gay himself. And he was in love with them too. 

None of them felt like they deserved to talk to Zayn. Zayn and his beautiful boyfriend. They took him for granted. They let him walk away. 

“At least he looks so much happier now.” Louis whispered, wiping his eyes. 

The boys hummed in agreement.

It was funny because Zayn was still the first one out of the five boys to come out and Zayn came out with a fucking vengeance.


End file.
